its old but: old mate sees the priest re the afterlife. heaven is via good life on earth so cut out booze smokes and sex. old mate tries.
catches priest a week later and says he stopped the booze and fags but the other day the wife bent over and he just lost it and ploughed her.
priest says they don't approve of that in heaven you know?
old mate replies "they weren't too pleased about it in woolworths/walmart/tesco's either".