one of my best friends ,chris, from h.s. got married a couple of years back. he lives in chicago so we decided it would just be easiest to have his bachelor party the night before the wedding. that way everyone could go. the girls went out that night too. another friend of ours, randy, aka slaysman forge, got so wasted. anyway, randy, myself and another one of my best friends mark decided we probably shouldnt be driving anyplace. so we mooched a ride to the starting point bar. we got there about 30 mins before everyone was scheduled to meet. well, they were running about an hour and a half late. so after several kamikaze's and a few beers, in come's the crew. chris, his father, his brother, and a pile of other people. the drinks are flowin, everyones getting pretty wasted. mark and i are buying round after round for everyone. so we decide to just head to another bar a friend of ours owns in town. its a pretty swank place. really cool and hip. he lets us stick around til 4. well, after all of the regualrs are gone, the bartender breaks out this giant bag of weed and we're all getting stoned and drinking martinis and kamikaze's again. (im a vodka guy). the dj left at 2 and let us take over the turntables. 4 rolls around, and we split. since there are 3 of us with no ride hime, we get into chris' dads car, who chris, his brother, his dad and one other person drove down in. we're all packed into the car. its like a subaru wagon, or toyota corrolla wagon or something like that. maybe an older audi or something. anyway, we're in the back seat of three rows. everyone is drunk, chris's dad is driving and 2 rows of seats away. from drivers to passenger side, its mark, randy, and me. well, randy starts barfin. he takes my hat off of my head (remember that honda redwing hat i had, yeah, i still wore it after he barfed into it, washed of course) and just starts puking into it. the windows are down in the back and hes barfing everywhere. i grab him by the back of the head and im trying to get his face out the window and the barf is just spraying back into the car all over everyone in the back seat. (we're ont he expressway doing about 70) and we're just laughing our asses off. i had so much puke on me i had to take my shirt off in the car. it was everywhere. but the best part was, chris' dad had no idea what was going on. he just heard all of laughing and screaming and punching each other. randy gets home, and his wife has all of the doors to the house locked and she wont let him in. shes teasing him out a slightly opened window. "hey rand, wanna fish milkshake??" mark and i obvioulsy instigated the entire thing so shes mad at us. to some extent. i have no shirt on, and am still covered in barf. randys wife makes him sleep outside and puke on the lawn til the sun comes up, then lets him in. he drags inside and passes out on the kitchen floor. mark puts his head into a giant green garbage bag which he continues to throw up in. but it saves the floor. so the next morning, we pull up to the place the wedding is held at, and randys outside barfing. he composes himself, walks inside and is standing there. barely holding himself up. chris' dad walks in, looks at all of us, and then looks at randy and says, "hey rand, i think you left some salad in the back seat of my car last night if you want it" randy ate 1/2 of a saltine cracker the entire time we were out. everyone was trying to make him barf. he still wont go drinking with mark and i. it was alot of fun though.
i went to a party once and did 4 giant beer bongs in a row. on the way home, around 10pm, i had to be let out of the car because i was barfing out the fly window. i staggered home the last 3 blocks and realized i was locked out of the house. kicked the door in, then proceded to strip my cloths off to my underwear, then passed out on my bed, an hour later i woke up, felt like puking, and wandered into the bathroom and with the light off and door closed played hug the toilet. i remember waking up to seeing my sister standing in the open doorway with her hand on the lightswitch. she said "oh", turned off the light, and reshut the door.
got so drunk from doing oj and vodkas in the beer bong my friends tried to carry me out of the house the party was in. they couldnt get me out of the basement. i passed out with my head in the utility sink. they took pictures of me and tape recorded me barfing.
went to a pool party one night. got totally wasted. went back to the house (randys) my moped was parked at and decided to hop on and ride home. no shoes, no shirt, and a wet bathing suit. no headlight or brake light. tucked the front end in gravel in an alley and shreaded my barefeet. (ever have scabs between your toes??) also fell onto the pipe. burned the crap out of one leg. got home, was locked out again. tried to climb through a window but was too drunk and too hurt to get onto the roof. my sister let me in. i passed out into my bed. the next morning i woke up. almost everything had scabbed. with the sheets stuck to all of the cuts. i had to peel sheets out of scabs. it looked like someone had been masacred in my bed. never ride at night, in gravel, drunk, with no shoes on. bad idea.
and thats just the begining. i lived in an artists building for 5 years. there were nights i couldnt make it up one flight of steps. thank god for elevators!